Hypnotize A Tiger

Hypnotize A Tiger

Poems About Just About Everything
By Calef Brown

This collection of playful and whimsical poems with the characteristically quirky Calef-Brown-esque illustrations are more for the middle-grade readers than younger ones.

Organized into categories like The Critterverse, My Peeps, Schoolishness, Facts Poetic, Word Crashes, Miscellaneous Silliness and so forth, the poems tackle anything from creepy crawly insects and creatures large and small to Edible rarities and culinary peculiarities.

The joy in reading works by Silverstein and Kenn Nesbitt and Prelutsky is that the beauty of words strung together is seemingly nonsensical but manage to excite the young readers' imagination nonetheless. Much the same way, the 10 year old got the poems for the most part, and enjoyed some of the sillier ones like Big-Hair Cats,
When cougars and lynxes
get fur stuck in their larynxes
they cough up hairballs
like an ordinary kitty.
It isn't very pretty,
not in the least,
to see a gob of gooey fleece
released by such a noble beast.

and Greta,
Greta can't make up her mind
if she should make up her bed
or practice gymnastics instead.
She likes to jump on the mattress, you see,
which often ends in catastrophe,
with pillows and blankets everywhere,
and then her parents are there
giving her a blank stare.
"Are you aware," they ask,
"that is it one a.m?"
"Yes," she replies, "I am."

I think she identified most with Carsick:
Car rides have always
been awful for me.
I try not to look,
but as soon as I see
that the needle is pointing
to forthy-three
on the ol' speedometer,
I'm a vomiter.


The seven year old enjoyed some of the animal poems and especially the off-beat outlook in poems like The Vulture where it introspects with,
...
This is my diet?
If it died, I try it?
...
A normal dinner would feel so nice.
Grilled asparagus and wild rice
without the wretched carrion.
Something vegetarian."

and Pupae:
Just because we're the pupae
people give us the poop-eye.

How can you go wrong with "poop-eye" and the younger reading crowd?

But what I liked even better was the bottom edge of pages: they are packed with mini-poems and absurd observations of sorts that were quite amusing. A few of my favorites:

I only eat cuttlefish from Cuddalore.
Sure, they cost a little more,
but ones from Delhi are sometimes smelly.

I prefer Swiss chard from Mumbai,
which is hard to come by.

Oh no! Now there are geese loose in the ghee sluice!
Ghee is butter. 
Thanks for clarifying.

Forcing compliance through orders and decrees?
Oh, please!

The last one in the book is Q&A with Calef Brown answered with enough jest and yet a good glimpse into the writer.

Tell us about your early days.
My life began in a tree fort
in Shreveport, Louisiana.
A sort of breezy cabana
with one of those fantastic lawns--
the kind with gnomes and plastic swans.
I was a weaselly child,
easily riled and wildly erratic,
full of dramatic "tin-drum tantrums"--
the loudest kind...

The kooky illustrations and off-center perspective on everyday things certainly amused the kids and me. To be able to pick a page at random and just enjoy the wordplay and the perspectives is a simple pleasure that this book offers in plenty.

[MacMillan View Inside the Book]

[Image source: MacMillan]

Hook's Revenge

Hook's Revenge I

by Heidi Schulz
illustrated by John Hendrix


I picked up the book after meeting the author, Heidi Schulz, at a gathering and hearing her talk. She completely bowled me over with her sunny charm. She is from Oregon and she home-schools her daughter. I instantly liked her. And the more she talked about the book and the story behind the book, I got curious and decided right then to pick it up and read it, just to see if the book is as charming as the author. And it is!

With the introduction saying, "Children Have Sticky Fingers and Ask Impertinent Questions," followed by the first chapter titled, "In Which Our Heroine Displays a Clear Need for Professional Help," I knew I was in for a riot of a good time. But still, I didn't raise my hopes up too much. I didn't want to go in with high expectations and feel let down. But I needn't have feared.

An old salt of a curmudgeonly narrator unfolds the tale of  young Jocelyn, the sole living progeny of the infamous Captain Hook. Yes, the very same Captain Hook, with Peter Pan and the gang.

Jocelyn's mother is no more, and she is the ward of her maternal grandfather, who wants to forget the fact that there ever was a vile man named Captain Hook who had anything to do with his family. Moreover, the law of the land dictates that only a male offspring can inherit the family fortune, so, despite his wealth, the grandfather cannot do much for Jocelyn in terms of financial security.

However, Jocelyn has other plans. She wants to follow in her father's footsteps and become the most fearsome pirate captain ever. The girl romanticizes sailing the seas and plundering and pillaging, once she joins her father. But, with no word from him, and days rolling into months, she is left with no choice but to accede to her grandfather's decree and enroll in Miss Eliza Crumb-Biddlecomb's Finishing School for Young Ladies. That, as her grandfather points out, is Jocelyn's only hope of acquiring a suitable life partner who can support her when he himself has to shuffle off the mortal coil.

Life is full of disappointments. Chocolates melt or are eaten by rodents. Ponies die. Kittens grow into cats-- and cats are such hateful creatures. However, when Jocelyn arrived at the place that her grandfather intended to be her home, school, and prison for years to come, she was not disappointed: it was just as terrible as the girl had expected.

She faces the usual spiteful rich-and-spoilt peers at the school, and while Miss Eliza is fair and resourceful, she is also a strict disciplinarian who will tolerate no nonsense. No exceptions. However, Jocelyn makes a new friend, Roger, a kitchen assistant, and life seems a bit more bearable, even if terribly stifling all the same.

We'll leave our heroine there, no spoilers. She does go on an adventure, she does manage to experience what she had been longing for all her life. But did it turn out the way she had dreamed?

The writing is cheeky, playful, clever, witty, and utterly delicious. I read this aloud to my ten year old. She immediately picked up on phrases like 'sinus spelunking' (after asking for explanations).

"I am sorry for coming in late," Jocelyn said to the boy, "but I was lost in the best part of my book. A giant Cyclops threatened to eat Odysseus and his crew. In order to escape and return to their ship, they had to get the monster drunk, wait until he was firmly asleep, find a sharp stick, and" -- Jocelyn leaned in and spoke in a reverential whisper --"gouge his terrible Cyclops eye out. Isn't that marvelous?"

Ambrose yawned. He did not bother to remove his finger from his nostril, choosing instead to speak around it. "This is rather disgusting talk for the dining table." His sinus spelunking paused for the briefest of moments while he looked Jocelyn over.

Although the style of writing is saucy and deliberate, the ten year old enjoyed the read-aloud sessions. She might not have picked it up on her own and stuck with it. But, the more I read aloud to her, the more she got into it. And that is the strength of this book. Aside from cantankerous narrator regaling us in his snarky voice, the story progresses with care-- things happen, Jocelyn gets caught up in them, and discovers things about herself that she would have sworn was not possible.

The week before Jocelyn's grandfather decided to send her away to finishing school was an eventful one, even by her standards.

On Monday, the girl's newest tutor found his pupil unable to do her history lesson. Someone had torn most of the pages from her lesson book in order to make paper boats. This same unidentified person had then floated the paper vessels on the garden pond, after lighting them on fire, of course. Jocelyn sat at her desk, the very picture of wide-eyed innocence-- with a spot of soot on her nose and the faint smell of smoke still clinging to her rumpled dress.

Before I end up quoting the whole book here, let me wrap up by mentioning that this is an absolutely delightful, riotously adorable, glorious debut novel by a super-talented writer. The story could use some intensity and urgency, the supporting characters could use some oomph, the quest could use some girth and purpose, but Jocelyn is every bit the spunky, spontaneous heroine with endearing flaws which makes her grow on us over the course of the journey.

There are books that I read for the gripping story, books that I read for the possibilities, books I read for the absurdity, books that I read for the poignant heartbreak, and then there are books I read for the sheer pleasure of the language. This book is in that last category.


The U.K. version of this book is called Hook's Daughter, and Heidi Schulz reads a bit of it aloud in this video.

There is a sequel, of course, The Pirate Code, and I hope it lives up to its older sibling!


[image source: http://heidischulzbooks.com/]